In the meantime, I have long wanted to shout to the rafters how much I love my phone. I’ve become positively giddy over the wondrous things this phone can do. It’s a love affair the likes of which the world only sees when one has a teenage crush and doesn’t have an inkling that hard times might ensue. It’s perfect. What more could I say?
I got my first iPhone a little less than a year ago and I can’t believe I lived that long without one. What a wasted, simple, drab, uninformed life I led.
I remember distinctly the moment I fell in love with the iPhone. We were standing on the sidelines of a gigantic grassy field that was to be the site of a shaving cream fight for around three or four hundred teenagers. This annual tradition is always one of the highlights of Synod Youth Workshop. But as we stood there about 15 minutes before it started we could hear thunder rumbling in the distance. Dark clouds were forming overhead. If lightening were to strike anywhere around us, I just knew these kids would be prime targets for divine retribution for any one of numerous way they might have accidentally offended God with their unabashed zest for life.
The younger youth leaders whipped out their iPhones and checked the radar app. They could see that the storm was skirting past us with just enough of a buffer zone that we knew there wouldn’t be as much as a drop of rain or bolt of lightning touch the ground where we stood. We didn’t have to worry about letting the kids run around outside for a while. Game on. Happy campers. All is good.
I was sold.
Since the moment I first held the phone in my hand I’ve discovered even more things it can do besides predict the weather.
I was at the bookstore last night. I found a book I wanted. Checking Amazon on my phone showed me I could get it cheaper online. So I just ordered it then and there. Then I announced to Emily that I may have singlehandedly just killed Barnes and Nobel. She told me the store could handle it.
I can watch movies through Netflix while I’m waiting for someone or riding in the car while Beaven drives. When you spend all your time with each other you eventually run out of things to say to each other and he doesn’t listen to the radio when he drives.
Now that I’ve posted some of my favorite recipes to my food blog I can look them up on the spot using my phone or even check other recipes on the Food Network.
I went for a walk the other day and used the pedometer. It told me how far I went and how many steps I took. I think it might have even told me how many calories I burned but I don’t like to know that. It’s never enough to zero out a bowl of ice cream.
I’m planning to build a third chicken coop because I’m not sure the chickens like the new one. When I get around to building it I’ve got an app that turns the phone into a level.
There’s an app that lists the nutrition data for restaurants then can tell you where the closest one is plus a handy GPS feature that will tell you how to get there.
I got a bible app that was recommended by my pastor. I have two, in fact- one NIV and one for The Message. It’s just so much easier to tap a few buttons than leafing through thin and flimsy pages and who can ever find the book of Nehemiah, anyway? I still feel a little funny reading off my phone in church since it looks like I’m checking my email or playing Words with Friends. Yes, I confess I checked FaceBook during the famous 20-minute prelude a month ago. I have my limits. It probably kept me from standing up and screaming and embarrassing myself. That’s a pretty good trade-off in my book.
I can keep my calendar on the phone.
I can set an alarm and have it play a specific playlist I designed for the way I want to wake up. There’s one playlist for soft and gentle (Judy Collins, Amazing Grace) . Then for waking with energy I have a loop of Chris Rock’s zebra from Madagascar singing, “ Circus, Afro, Circus, Afro, Polka dot, polka dot, polka dot afro.”
I have a voice recording app if I’m driving and want to record a phrase or series of thoughts. And Siri can dial a call for me if I just tell here to.
That Siri. I don’t use her as much as the commercials suggest but she did joke around with Elizabeth once. Elizabeth wanted to get a disposable underwater camera to take in the ocean. She asked Siri to find a place to buy a camera and Siri came up with “What’s wrong with the one you’re holding in your hand?” Elizabeth told her she wanted to take it in the water and that shut her up real fast.
The main thing I use Siri for is to remind me to do something. I can say, “Remind me in 30 minutes to check the oven.” And 30 minutes later the phone beeps and “check the oven” will appear on the screen. Don’t ask me how, but I still manage to burn stuff.
I can buy books and read them on the phone. There’s a stock market app that might mean something to me if I understood the stock market.
There’s facebook. And YouTube. And Twitter. And Words with Friends.
It has a compass . And a calculator. It has a flashlight. And a stopwatch.
I found a translator feature that lets me type in a phrase, translate it, then pronounces the word for me. The only catch to this is that any place I’m going to be speaking a foreign language would require me to connect the phone to the foreign country’s cell system which I understand would be tres, tres, expensive. So that’s one kink I will be happy when they figure it out.
It even has a feature to find itself when you lose it. Thank God I have this same feature on my iPad, too. Otherwise I’m not sure what good the app is for finding your phone when the app is on the phone you just lost.
It’s has a camera that can take videos and stills with a quality as good as any camera I’ve ever owned. (OK, I’ve never spent a lot of money on cameras. But still the quality is good enough for me.)
Oh! AND you can even make a phone call with it! Except nobody talks on the phone anymore. We text. I have friends whose voice I have never ever actually heard.
The only thing I’ve wished for that I don’t think the phone can do is unlock and start my car. If I could have this feature and also one that would put purchases on my credit card I would never need a purse again. Except for gum. And Kleenex. OK, I might still need a purse.
And if anyone knows an app I need but don't have, please let me know. I'm sold.
In the meantime, Life is Grand.
ps- Here is a picture of my phone. I had to use an actual camera to take the picture but it took some time to find it because I haven't used it in a long time. And you will see I have opted for white. NEVER get a black phone. You can't find anything black in the deep recesses of a purse or car seat.